Its really difficult for me to admit that I was lonely in ISB. Of course my closest friends know this as they have heard me complain about it over and over again. But to put it up on a public platform like this one! Honestly, I am just writing this in case someone stumbles upon it. A someone who is also in a college setting with 500 other kids, but still just feels painfully alone.
I remember walking to my quad at night alone. Coming home and turning on the light to an empty room. Making Maggie in the kitchen, just craning my ears and hoping that one of my quadmates would come home at that moment, run into me and keep me company for a little while.
I truly respect and admire people who can return to an empty room without any qualms. I certainly had a tough time doing so. Perhaps, I still have those qualms.
Having lived at home and always returned to a full house, I suppose I was spoilt.
Many of you will probably wonder why I couldn’t just go to a friend’s house, if I felt that bad about it! Its true, I could have. But the difference between friends and family is that you cant impose on the former. Maybe you can, and I truly hope that you can, but I never felt like I could. Too many inhibitions I suppose.
Anyways, in term three, I thought I found a solution to the problem. Again, very difficult to admit on a public forum. What was it? Well, I thought the best thing would be to find a partner, a boyfriend of sorts. Why? Because, traditionally lovers tend to spend a lot of time together and if they are not physically together then they are usually connecting in some way through the phone, chat or some such modern communication device. Moreover, and this is important, you can take quite a lot of liberties with your lover! You are not likely to impose on them since they, well love you, and should want to be with you anyways. Right?!
WRONG! This was my first major mistake in ISB and I will remember this for the rest of my life.
Loneliness is not a disease that requires some sort of medicine/solution (boyfriend, friend, family). Don’t get me wrong, a hug is nice now and then and important for a healthy state of well being. But, loneliness is just a state of imagination. It’s a belief that you need something that you don’t actually need. Its emotional hypochondria!
You are designed to be alone, to survive alone and most importantly be happy alone. You really don’t need to find anyone else for it. Infact, if that is the reason you are dating someone right now or going on endless social excursions then it is equivalent to taking medicines for a disease that you do not have.
The best way to rid yourself of loneliness is to stop believing that such a state of mind can exist because it is actually truly not real!
Good stuff! :)
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