you will probably never read this but ill write it anyways...you wrote the most beautiful eulogy...i would never have expected it from you...you are the person that changed my thinking; taught me that people are bad...that some people are malicious and callous and incapable of feeling...that what they say they feel is just part of an act that theyre playing to achieve their own objectives...that though all people are some bad and some good, some are much more bad and much less good and those are people that you should always stay away from....
then why do i feel so sad to know that you sufferred a loss...i find my hatred for you melting away...you are good ....i hope you remember that...i hope i remember it too....i am sorry for your loss....you didnt deserve it... 

vagina monologues

The play is truly outrageous! Its so detailed and graphic that it even made me, who I consider to be one of the most liberal minded and unconservative women around, blush with embarassment. I mean wow! It started out talking about women who orgasm early and are ashamed of it...then it recounts the tale of a wife whose used to shave her vagina (something she hated) to please her husband so that he wouldnt cheat on her (but he did anyway)...it discusses everything from rape to childbirth, even bringing in a lesbian experience. There were discussions about what the vagina would wear or speak about....there were discussions about moaning and the different types of moans...It encouraged playing with yourself and getting in touch with your sexuality...I mean this was a very scandalising and, in your face, play.

The message was loud and clear: women, be proud of your sexuality and do not take shit from a guy!

I have met plenty of amazing women in ISB. Women who had zero bullshit tolerance, mountains of pride and self confidence levels that would give Hercules a run for their money. In ISB, women weren't afraid of anything.

But now I am back in the real world and I see that it is not so. I recently met this girl. She has just gotten married and she says her whole life has changed. Her inlaws dont allow her to wear western clothes or even visit her parents very often. She cant pursue her hobbies and adehere to all the rules and regulations of her husband's family...

Another girl told me that her father never used to like his children much because they were three daughters. Initially, she explained, that he was always unhappy and never used to want to be around. But later as time went on and the three girls all found good jobs and got married, he started loving them more and was proud of them. She seems so proud that her father loves her now and Im just not sure of what to make of it...

All i know is that I am definitely not going to waste or take for granted, the luxury that being part of the S1 category of society, has granted me. I may not be the seventies hippie girl from vagina monologues but Im not going to constantly try to drag myself down to the vistorian era either because i feel it may be more appropriate!!.... :)    
   

health care management

I sometimes I had wished that I had utilised ISB better. Today is one such day! The Indian medical devices industry is slated to be the next biggest thing after IT (albeit according to TOI chennai) and I work in it! And there was a really great course in ISB called Innovations in Healthcare. Guess who cant even remember a word of it? Why cant we add health care management as a major in the ISB curriculum. Wharton has it!

Even the marketing electives were useful. But guess who stopped studying as soon as they got a job? Why is it that everyone I spoke to at the time states that marketing in real life is different from marketing in theory? Its not different at all. You can still utilise all the concepts you learned. And its true even real life marketing is becoming more and more quant heavy.

All I can say is that if, by any chance, you are reading this blog and are still in B school, pay close attention to all you learn, it truly comes in handy! :)

why do you want a US visa

Whats the matter with this country, really??  I went to the US embassy to get my visa and watched as two people in front of me got their US visas rejected. They actually begged and implored the visa officer to change her mind, which she of course didnt, saying "my decision is final" in her clangy disgusting american accent. So if India is the growth story, why isnt anyone looking to cash in on it? Why are the lines at embassies like the US, which has a freaking 9% unemployment rate, still so fucking long?

Why indeed? So, I came out of the embassy feeling damn patriotic and all..And decided to take an auto back to South Ex. "Bhaiya, south ex jana hai".. "haan madame Rs 200" !!!??!!! WTF!! Thats like Rs 150 more than how much it costs! Where do you even get off asking for something that ridiculous? No wonder everyone is looking at leaving this place. This place where an Indian rips off another Indian without a heartbeat!

the perfect lover

The title is a myth, right? WRONG!! There r some people who can be the perfect lovers. They kiss you at the right time, give you the perfect amount of space, hold you "just right" just when you need it, listen to you like they truly care, gives you the perfect apology which makes the wrong doing almost worth it to receive such a grandiose gesture; is jealous just when it counts and will make an impression... They come right out of story books and fairy tales..sometimes combined...maybe a Heathcliff (depressed and unhappy but makes it seem like ure the only thing that shines in his abyss); or Wolverine (who tells everyone to fuck off except for Jean because she is special and he will love her forever because she is the one)...  So whats the problem right? If you meet a guy like that then havent you hit the jackpot? WRONG!

I believe that perfect lovers exist but I believe that they r the way they r because they treat it like a job or a hobby that they r looking tp perfect...Its really easy if you think about it...Whats the skill, just a "good", correction, "great" understanding of the female psyche...and then just like any other job that becomes routine, the perfect lover gets bored. He gets bored and then looks for a new job or some variation...Or just that, since its a job then its routine and not magnificent to him...then he either lives with it or doesnt or topsies turvies between the two states of mind....

Thus, Ive decided that the perfect lover is actually the "imperfect" lover...the man who doesnt say the right thing; kisses like he could definitely use some more practice; listens like he is completely and utterly unaware of the female psyche; hugs clumsily in perhaps a suffocating manner..maybe those r the ones we should all be looking out for...the guy who is definitely NOT perfect, not romantic, not magnetic by any means but is who he is and will love you the way he loves you..this may not be ideal butit may be reality and atleast it isnt a job he is trying to perfect..he is just being himself....

Fair enough!  

confused

We all know that happiness is hard to come by....so how do you achieve it....So have you heard the sayings: "always shoot for more"; "never settle for the status quo"; "dare to be different"...Now have you heard the sayings: "be grateful for what you have"; "make the best of what you have"; "live with it life isnt perfect"..Isnt it all a bit contradictory...i mean is it really realistic for always be dreaming for more while making the best of what you have....i mean isnt the pursuit of superiority while accepting mediocrity already a paradox...

I completely understand that there is a fine balance blahblah blah....but who achieves it really? has laxmi mittal with his rivers of money achieved it..i mean last i heard he was working out to replicate amir khan's body in ghajni...he was surely a little unsettled, looking around for "something more" even if not strictly unhappy, even after achieving his business goals....

truth is that i met an old friend from ISB who made me realise something weird...daring aspirations, dreams, the pursuit for perfection; it can, albeit for some people, be the root cause of unhappiness...the search or quest itself can leave one completely and utterly unfulfilled...

its like you have a certain standard of living and then you dare to dream and want and desire.... then you work hard and move abroad and get the perfect job...and realise that u still essentially feel like shit..so u go for the gold again and decide that you want to do more with your life and move back to india and do social work and thats fine for a while....then u start feeling uneasy again as if there is definitely more to life than even this and you go and work towards achieving yet another new, more "seemingly" fulfilling goal.....and so on and so forth....

So then isnt it just best to be content with whatever you have? just make do with status quo? Is it the people who are modest, moderate and essentially mediocre who will find happiness in the long run...maybe its an illusion they create for themselves out of the temperate calm waters in their own mind but all said and done; isnt whats real to you, real to you?



       

written by a blogless friend :)

I keep pondering every day, looking for validation if what I feel for you is love, and if it is why do I love you, and not anyone else. The more I analyze, the more I am stumped. I think of all the little things you do that make me happy – from the way you stare at me, to the way you kiss me, the way you touch me , the way you make me laugh, and I think to myself that why I don’t feel the same ecstasy when someone else does all these things.

I wonder why when you say something it hurts to a point that it becomes physical pain, but when someone else does the same it doesn’t even ruffle a single hair on me. And sometimes I wonder if I gave you this power to rule over me, or do I not have any control because this is love.

But what I do know is that the pain is terrible, and is love really worth it, to feel that kind of pain. Will love ever only be happiness, or will it always be accompanied by its favorite friend pain. And at what point does the pain become your friend and love becomes completely worth it, and what point does pain become your enemy and love fade away.

So now I ask everyone out there who has ever been in love, and has experienced a love which is mutually exclusive of pain. Or am I just another cynic trying to find out if love truly exists, or is it just a state of mind we create for ourselves so that we may validate happiness and pain in our lives. Are we all truly delusional, or is there a feeling truly called love that we have no control over.

Something to think about!!!!